I feel a responsibility to tell them the truth but at the same time I want to isolate them from the reality. My heart aches, my gut wrenches, at times I am physically stricken with nausea. I attempt to choose words wisely between myself and leadership in Haiti, guarding their minds from my toxic thoughts.
I am in the United States and only wish we could be with both our biological family AND our Haitian family in yet another crisis. I fight off questions like who we will lose, who we will bury and then I cancel those thoughts as quickly as they surface. God, no. Please no. But so many people are currently doing the same. This virus. This crisis.
I thought we felt helpless as an organization when creating and sustaining employment was our goal. I thought we felt helpless when we thought we were seeking and hearing from God, we were working toward education and employment through your support but yet falling short. Feeling helpless, questioning our decisions and giving them up to God is nothing new. BUT THIS DEPTH OF HELPLESSNESS IS A PIT DEEPER THAN MY IMAGINATION.
God, we need you to calm our storm. Lead us to the cross, to lay our insecurities and our false perceptions of control right there. Calm us and direct us to the next right thing to be done in Your Name. All glory is yours.
“In the mystery we trust and we adjust….you are a God who cries, you are a Savior who died. We can trust you with ‘why?’ “. (Jennifer Rothschilds.)