A heart of service, a lifestyle of service, feelings of inadequacy, kneeling in prayer, bleeding knees, continued service in a lifestyle of dependence, increased understanding of the need for dependence, a heart of service, broken hearts, doubts, fears, bent in prayer, bleeding hearts, deepened dependence, broken spirits, bleeding hearts, eyes to see what breaks His heart, increased knowledge of His plan for a heart of service through a lifestyle of dependence upon bleeding knees, in a spirit of service to the least of His. Yet the least of His are truly the best of His who teach us the true life of dependence, the true dependence upon prayer and the knowledge that God knows everything, God provides everything, and nothing is a surprise to Him. And so it is that we set out to serve but in the end we are enriched beyond measure at the deepest level of our core. We return to a life of riches that now have no meaning to us, that carry with their riches yokes of near slavery to maintain them and empty promises of fulfillment that fail to deliver and as we watch our blessed society strive for these riches the struggle wells up within us.
I haven’t yet named this struggle, but it is real. I live with one foot in America and one foot in Haiti, like others do as they serve in different hurting parts of our world. My heart is content in a land of less, hauling water, embracing cold showers/even bucket showers as my norm, reading and walking and cleaning and packing by flashlight due to unpredictable electricity, etc. For with this “simple” (do not mistake this for easy, please) lifestyle comes time. . .time for family, time for friends, time to build relationship and truly care for and about each other. Time for prayer and NEED for prayer and the dependence upon God’s provision, living with an acute knowledge that I am not sufficient on my own. My heart is discontent in a land of plenty. How do we find balance? Are we meant to find balance, or are we meant to reset the scale? I haven’t found a verse in the Bible that tells me to feel broken as I serve but be OK with leaving that brokenness behind to live differently than those I am called to serve. Have you?
An insert in yesterday’s church bulletin sent me to Romans 9:20. “But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?'” I am not one to read just one verse, so I headed back a little to gain the context. That is when I found reassurance in Romans 9:14, “It does not, therefore, depend on man’s desire or effort, but on God’s mercy.” PRAISE GOD!! Like the weight of the world lifted off of my shoulders – IT IS NOT AND NEVER HAS BEEN, IT NEVER WILL BE ABOUT YOU OR WHAT YOU DO, TRICIA. Sweet music to my ears, to my heart.
May our every day simply be filled with prayer and purpose to have eyes that see what our heavenly Father will have us do next, in each moment living for Him. I pray this for you – will you also pray that for me personally, and for us here at CLIMB? We desire to serve Him well, to follow His lead and to simply do the next right thing.
Make it a great day, and be a blessing today!